From Miss A: Egret season starts today. Get ready.
(Oh, the egrets... When the realtor brought us to our barely purchased house three years ago and said "You have egrets." And B and I said "Oooh, that's cool!" And she shook her head and pointed up, we realized. Two egrets are cool. Not so much two hundred. The smell. The poop. The SQUAWKING. The dead fish and eels. The dead baby egrets with maggots wriggling in their open eyes. You get the idea. In 2015 and 2016 we fought valiantly, and succeeded in getting them to leave the branches directly over our yard, but the smell and the sound were still horrific. March through August. The girls would be on watch starting in late February, and would come running in with the bad news as soon as they saw the first scout birds. Then out would come the laser pointers. My nephew brought a great one from his tour in Greece that I'm sure probably isn't legal here. That one works well. Out comes the (beautiful) stock whip B made himself. The girls slap sticks, throw pinecones, blast musical instruments, scream, you name it to try to scare the birds out of the trees. But we could never get them out of the tall pine trees that border our yard. This year the birds were late. I was foolish enough to get my hopes up! Little did I know that the wise stupid birds were just waiting for our crazy Virginia weather to stop snowing and settle down to spring. The birds showed up. But... Here's the great thing. Their arrival coincided with my husband's week and a half of leave! B was ready for a long haul battle. He's been waking up at 4:00, 5:00, and 6:00 to laze them. As soon as the noise ordinance relaxes at 7:00 he's prepared with his whip. A couple cracks from that send them flying off to our neighbor down the block. That poor guy has hurriedly put up all these eyeballs balloons and owl statues, even shot off fireworks, but egrets see right through those. The only thing that really gets them is the crack of a whip. We are starting to feel optimistic! The last couple mornings a few birds have flown over, seen B standing in the back yard, grabbed a stick from the old nests, and beat a hasty retreat. I can't believe it. I can't imagine that we might have one peaceful summer in this house with just normal bird song, not deafening squawks. Thank Heaven for this Providentially timed leave, and a husband who won't give up and knows how to crack a whip. The above quote is from the morning a week and a half ago when we walked Miss R to school and caught sight of the first egret.)
Not a quote, just a thought from this Mama:
Why does Miss A get car sick the instant she sets foot in the car, yet can go on all the roller coasters and teacups at Busch Gardens and not feel a bit sick?
Miss R: Wait wait wait. You surgeried on Baby J?
(We have a friend who was born quite early, is now a year old, and doing very well. She had to go get her central line removed, and B, who is a surgeon, was explaining to the girls what was going on with Baby J. Miss R didn't get that he personally wasn't doing the procedure.)
Miss R: This definitely wasn't a quilt shop.
(While walking out of the airport hangar after going for a fly with her dad.)
Miss M: Mom? Miss R's messing with the mummification process!
(We mummified apples as part of a unit study.)
Miss R: When we grow up do we get to pick our birthdays?
Mama: No, you're pretty much stuck with your birthday forever.
Miss M: Yeah, you don't get to start all over like an immortal jellyfish.
(On dragons.)
Miss R: Cause if it didn't have wings, it would just be a dinosaur.
Miss M: (nods decisively) Technically, yes.
Miss M: Try not to fall on this. It's very frictional and dirty.
Miss R: And it might cut your head off.
(While watching Nature.)
Miss M: What's an "obsessed Casanova"?
Daddy: Ummm, he's looking for a girlfriend.
Miss M: Well. If I can't wear shorts, I have to wear snow pants.
Miss M: I always imagined kaneechas to look like big toucans.
(If you don't know, kaneechas are scary large creatures that "can eat you.")
Miss M: Mom, my shorts are rubbing my legs here (indicates chafing on thighs) and it hurts. I like my shorts to stay up where my nethers can keep an eye on them.
Mama: (_____) is so cute. You should totally marry him when you grow up.
Miss A: I'll try, but if he ends up like (______) (his big brother) probably not.
Miss M: So I thought, Why not bring Flopsy? She's nice and furry, and she transports a lot of body heat to me.
(Flopsy is a stuffed rabbit.)
Miss R: Now my shoes are clean, and I don't know how!
Mama: Maybe the shoe cleaning fairies came.
Miss R: That wouldn't happen! Besides, fairies aren't even real.
Mama: I think fairies are real, somewhere.
Miss R: Fairies are only real in fairy land, and that's in Mexico.
Aunt L: Watch for duck poop on the sidewalk.
Miss M: Watch out for dragon poop. That's what you really have to watch out for.
(Planning for the future.)
Miss A: What if he was like "Want to be my girlfriend?" And I say "Well, we'll have to see..." And he acts nice till he gets his prize, me, and then he turns all mean.
Miss R: I'm a plane coming in for a flap landing.
(Watching planes at the airport.)
Miss R: That thing that's on its bum that's sticking up is taller than those buildings!
(While making paper food bowls for imaginary creatures.)
Miss A: Miss M, seriously! You're going to overfeed your animal and it's going to get fat.
Miss R: Does Daddy ever drink coffee?
Mama: Daddy? No. Not ever.
Miss R: I guess he knows! And he also doesn't cut off our fingers.
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